Ariana Rose Drama

Published: January 3, 2014

Ariana Rose Drama, Last night Vanderpump Rules crossed over with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and met their match with drunken shenanigans – almost.

I have to say Jax Taylor was on fire last night with his one-liners. Is the dumb male model thing an act? Nah… I think Lisa Vanderpump was feeding him lines.

Lisa tasks a select bunch of SURvians with hosting a very special elite dinner party filled with important guests. I don’t know why she was acting like the over-botoxed trashboxes of RHOBH are anyone special, but I guess she gets paid to act accordingly.

The specialtons are Stassi Schroeder, Jax, Tom 1, Ariana, and Katie Maloney. Peter Madrigal gets to play the role of hot overlord. OK – so he’s the manager, aka adult babysitter.

Working with your friends is fun – except when your friends don’t act like friends! Tom is all pissy-panties that Jax has been spreading rumors that he hooked up with Ariana in Vegas three years ago. Tom complains that Jax gossips and lies about his friends but then apologies. Basically Jax is male version of Stassi then?

Ariana astutely identifies Jax as an idiot, but says he makes for good entertainment. Not making for good entertainment is Kristen Doute, who is sipping on Stassi’s psycho juice.

Kristen has been stalking Tom 1′s phone again and discovered he has been calling Ariana. Naturally she sceenshotted the evidence and is planning to confront him. At work. While she’s been drinking. Meanwhile Katie and Tom are arguing with Jax about starting the Tom/Ariana hookup rumor.

According to lore they hooked-up at Coachella behind the port-a-potty. Nothing says sexytimes like the smell of stale poop in a field. They may or may not have hooked up in Vegas three years ago as well. Jax blames Katie’s drunken mouth for starting the rumor. When Tom asks Jax about it he claims the girls all hate him and are trying to pin the blame on him, but he’s innocent.

Does anyone at SUR tell the truth? Peter does. Peter is an angel, he descends from the ceiling with a halo made of champagne glasses, crying tears of rose. Peter would never take a girl behind the port-a-potty.

My ramble aside, Kristen turns up to berate Tom while he’s on his break. He denies all of it and then begs Kristen to either be with him or not. I think Tom is crushing on Ariana, but I don’t think she would be stupid enough to hookup with him with the coven of crazies lurking over her.

I also think Tom should dump Kristen. She is so gonna stab him in his sleep with a Pier One Imports fondue skewer. I predict she and Stassi end up in the clink together for boyfriend murder at some point. Orange is the new Sur Uniform, kids!

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